being bad at things is good actually
As a Uni student, I’ve learned a few valuable things: the invention of the printing press (1451), the quadratic formula (ax^2+bx+c), and the absolute necessity of being good at things. We’ve learned that the perfection is currency, and exposing weak spots in akin to throwing your wallet to a pack of vultures. Don’t answer questions if you aren’t sure of the answer; don’t struggle with the material; don’t score below ninety, and if you do, don’t tell anyone. We prize ability, but only when it’s portrayed as innate. The wizard behind the curtain here is that this is an example of STB: Significantly Toxic Behavior. Here’s an anecdote that illustrates why:
When I was eleven, a teacher at a thing for kids who liked singing told me I couldn’t sing. I loved singing. I did musicals and choirs and sang every chance I could. At home, I belted out my favorite songs all night, every night. I wasn’t shy, and I didn’t care who heard me.
I don’t remember her exact words anymore. She may not even have been calling me a bad singer at all. Maybe she just wanted me to work on pitch, or staying in time. But I do remember how it felt to hear her say it, to learn that I was so completely untalented in something I loved so much.
I quit. I stop signing up for musicals and dropped out of choir. When someone pulled out a guitar or plunked out notes on a piano, I hummed quietly to myself, sure that anything else would be to subject my peers to torture. So thorough was my conviction in my ineptitude that for nearly six years, I refused to let anyone hear me sing a single note. If I was bad at singing, then that was that on that. I was done.
But one afternoon in junior year, I broke. My friends were singing my favorite song on the piano, and I just really wanted to do it, so I did. I went high and low and harmonized and it was super duper duper duper fun. As the song ended, I geared up to apologize for invading their jam sesh, but before I could, they were complimenting me. They said that I was actually kind of good, and with that one simple interaction I hopped back on the singing train, with six years of lost time to make up for.
(To be clear, I’m still not that talented, but I also don’t care anymore. I’m just trying to have a good time.)
Recently, I posted a video on my finsta of me singing a meme-y parody of Hallelujah/Despacito that I wrote. It’s a short video, low quality, and the focus is on the joke, rather than the singing, but both are weak. It’s inexcusably bad art, but it was fun to make, and something I wanted to do for a long time but never had the courage to actually follow through with. I wish that my younger self had known that being bad at things is okay and totally normal, and you can do the things you love even if you suck at them. In fact, if you feel you suck at something you should do it extra.
Bad art is good, and important, and valuable, because the only way to make anything even kind of okay is to make a huge amount of terrible things first. So I cast out the Uni standard of unblemished perfection; say stupid things, ask stupid questions, draw stupid pictures, wear stupid clothes. Make bad art, and love it.
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ReplyDeleteThere's so much wisdom in here, that I can't even begin describing how much I love this post. There are so many awesome things about Uni, but then there are also a lot of bad things, some of which you point out here. A lot of Uni students struggle with as you said posing as some sort of perfect being, that they're scared to try out new things. I really hope a lot of people read your post, and hopefully their perspective shifts because in the long run, it really doesn't matter if you get judged or not in the long run if it means you find, or do something that you truly love.
ReplyDeleteI'm 100% behind casting out the standard of unblemished perfection. All art is subjective. Sometimes one person's "terrible" is another person's "sublime." I don't like opera, but I love Jonathan Richman. Who's a better singer, Jonathan or a famous tenor adored by opera lovers everywhere? I don't care. As David Berman sings in a favorite Silver Jews song, " All my favorite singers couldn't sing."
ReplyDeleteI like the honesty in this post. I think many students would agree with the point you made about feeling like they have to be naturally good at things. It is really hard to admit you're having trouble with something if everyone around you is excelling at it. But I think admitting that we aren't all naturally good at school, sports, music, etc. and that we have to put a great deal of effort into getting the results we want is a crucial part in changing the Uni standard of unblemished perfection.
ReplyDeleteFor sure the culture at Uni tells us that if you're not good at something, stop. If you aren't immediately the best then you're irrelevant which is, of course, a load of crap. Doing the things that make you happy is the only thing that should matter in determining hobbies and passions. I feel the same way with art. I'm not exactly "gifted" or "good" but I really like doing it and the things I make are Kida pretty or sorta cool. So who cares if it's not incredible! Sing your heart out! Don't ever stop singing! I guarantee that it's wonderful, even if just fun.
ReplyDeleteI love this. I think this goes for everyone when you say it's hard for us to come to terms with the fact that we might not be naturally good at something, and our first reaction is to go back to what we know best and abort the situation... I've struggled with that a lot in Uni as well, and I had a similar experience with vocals. I have been singing since I was little but after chorus subfreshman year, I didn't think I could hit high notes like other people in that class (who had more formal experience than me anyways) so I quit the class and stopped caring as much as I did about singing, which broke my heart but I felt that I couldn't talk about it. So thank you for sharing, because it's so nice to hear that someone else went through the same thing - never stop singing. Your voice and passion is beautiful <3
ReplyDeleteNathalie, your post is profound. I 100% see this happening not only at Uni, but in our culture as a whole. Just because you might not be immediately good at something doesn't mean you can't have an incredibly high ceiling at that activity. In many cases, just because you're not "gifted" or "good" at something doesn't mean you can't become good through hard work and dedication. After all, if it's something you truly love, you'll want to work at it until you become the best you can possibly be. Often times, instant gratification is incredibly overrated. Nothing in the world feels more valuable than something earned, not given or bought. It's nice to see you figured this out yourself with singing. Keep working hard and having fun and I'm sure you won't regret it.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're back to singing!
ReplyDeleteWe have such narrow definitions of what's good and what isn't, of who deserves and who doesn't deserve, that it's nice to read your blog post on why we should do stuff for pure love of it. TBH, your blog in general is super refreshing and very well written.
I especially feel like as we get into less obvious "gifts," like being good at school or sports or whatever, we lose our understanding of what actually makes us good: loving what we're doing, and being willing to put in the work to improve. Our success and achievement is wrapped up in so many things that don't have anything to do with our inherent abilities - like class, opportunity, luck - that it's not right to judge ourselves on what people say about us, or awards, or test scores.